im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
