Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
