hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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