How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
