How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
