I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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