I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
