Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
