I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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