I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
