I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize