I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
