He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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