I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
