So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
