Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
