Tell her she can't have a vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
