Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
