i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
