I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
