There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
