Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
