the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
