Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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