Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
