Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
