i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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