dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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