also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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