So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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