So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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