Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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