so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
