I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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