the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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