my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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