shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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