Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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