Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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