honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
