is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
