Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
