I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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