textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
