I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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