i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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