I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
