you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
