Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
