Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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