Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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