does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's get the cat blown out
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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