its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
