So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize