He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
