I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
