your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
