I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
