Having a random hookup so left but love u
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
