ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize