I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
