Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
