Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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