I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
