My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
