Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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