whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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