last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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