He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
