Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
