she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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