Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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