i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
