just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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