she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
