i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
