so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
